social anxiety and dating

Finding Love and Dating With Social Anxiety

Sometimes it appears as if everyone else is having it easy, but in fact dating is hard for most people out there.  It gets even harder when you have social anxiety.

Social anxiety is a pervasive feeling of fear and discomfort in social situations.  Typical situations that provoke this fear include having to introduce yourself to a group of people, going round the room and having to say something, being watched while doing something, and meeting people in authority.

Conventional wisdom of “face your fears” does not help when you have social anxiety disorder.  If your psychologist or mental health worker cajoles you into such situations, chances are he or she does not understand the disorder well.  We face our fears every day of our life and it does not get any better!

Estimated Social Anxiety Disorder Prevalence

An estimated 12.1% of the population suffers from Social Anxiety Disorder

You are not alone.  An estimated 12.1% of the population, that is millions of people, suffer from social anxiety.

Developing a strategy to manage the daunting task of dating with social anxiety

Step 1. Set the context right

Let’s face it, a random person out there is not going to knock on our door one day and ask us out.  We need to get out there, be at a party or social circles, be charming and doing small talks.  But, easier said than done.  These are not easy tasks for a socially anxious person.

However, there is a strategy that can work, even if it may be less than ideal situation.

The one absolute certainty about social anxiety is that it comes in a “social” context.  So, the first step in our strategy would be to remove the social context.

How do we do that?

Luckily, meeting a date and spending time with your date does not require a social scene.  Thanks to online dating sites, finding a date now a days also does not require being out there in a social situation.

The second most anxiety triggering factor for many is the presence of those people who derive a certain pleasure in teasing and belittling social anxiety sufferers.  If you have been out there in any institutions, be it school or workplace, you know exactly what we are talking about.

Unfortunately, social media and popular dating sites are favorite havens for people exhibiting their aggressive behavior.

A comfortable and non-intimidating space would be one where everybody knows your struggle and they themselves go through it in varying degrees.  There will be a feeling of respect and mutual understanding in such a circle.

You can relax because nobody expects you to pretend or act like someone you are not.

inTroverTdate is one such space for people who have social anxiety.  It helps to have a pool of like-minded people whether it is for a friendly chat or finding your love and date.

Step 2. Show the different facets of your personality

Social anxiety is just one facet of your personality, it does not define you in total.

Success and compatibility in dating depends on multiple factors.  Physical appearance, gender identification, sexual preference, financial status, living environment, socio-political outlook, and racial makeup are some of the equally important deciding factors.

Social anxiety sufferers tend to dwell on their heightened social sensitivity and therefore magnify its role.  When engaging with a potential date, they tend to forget all other aspects of their life.

Building a profile by filling in details about oneself is a standard practice in all dating sites and apps.  One is that often disliked by many of us.  When asked to describe about oneself, introvert and socially anxious people find it to be an extremely difficult task.

What inTroverTdate did to solve this issue is to put together as few questions as possible, all of them being multiple choice questions with answers already available, representative of multiple facets of a person’s personality and outlook.  By making it possible to search other members based on any of these data, it is possible to find someone of your liking and taste.



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